Worthless Hypocrite

The London Paper  –  20 Mar 2009

So, the other day I went into a City bar and got properly hassled by a bunch of pissed-up Cityboys. They surrounded me at The Fine Line in Bow Churchyard and told me in no uncertain terms that I was a ‘scumbag’ who had, and I quote, ‘broken the club’s code of silence.’ At one point it looked like it might kick off and thank God it didn’t because I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag. Now, whilst I don’t expect to be the most popular chap in the Square Mile after having disclosed what a bunch of greedy, contemptuous tossers many of my ex-peers were, I was a little taken aback by this level of aggression.

A few of my new erudite drinking ‘pals’ explained in no uncertain terms that I was a ‘worthless hypocrite’ who had ‘bitten the hand that fed me.’ Whilst I can only prove them wrong regarding the first accusation by doing something vaguely beneficial with the rest of my sorry life I resent the second criticism. I may well have profited from my time in the City but the simple fact is that the hand that fed me DESERVED TO BLEEDING BITTEN! It was my misgivings about the hideous short-term, greedy nonsense that was negatively impacting the rest of society that I witnessed day in day out that first made me agree to write this column … and I like to think that developments since I started writing it proved me vaguely right.

The other allegation about ‘breaking the code of silence’ really got my goat. It’s this very code that had helped ensure that ‘the pond life’ (i.e. you lot) don’t ever get to hear about what goes on in the Square Mile. The City is a tight-knit club dedicated to making its mainly white, heterosexual, young, male beneficiaries as much cash as humanly possible and those who dare expose it are deemed to be traitors who should have their knackers cut off and hung from Tower Bridge. Those idiots who looked like they wanted to knock seven shades of crap out of me felt that I had betrayed them and so deserved retribution. To have the gall to say that gibberish to me after the Credit Crunch has exposed the City to be merely be a Wild West Casino is almost admirable.

‘The devil triumphs when good men do nothing.’ I’m not sorry at all about trying to expose the despicable goings on in the Square Mile. I knew I wouldn’t be the most popular kid in town after doing so but somebody had to. We’re all suffering now because of the actions of a few greedy bankers who are now sitting on white sandy beaches in Barbados sipping pina coladas wondering how to spend the bonuses they should never have received. If this crap happens to me again I hope that those doing it understand what my agenda was … but more importantly I hope that any big guys out there who don’t work in the City go to protect the goateed midget with panic-stricken eyes!.

Thoughts ?

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