The Walking Dead  –  Feb 2011

The walking dead In the City a zero bonus means one thing and one thing only: you are no more, you have ceased to be, you are an ex-banker. A doughnut is your firm’s less than subtle way of telling you that you are surplus to requirements and that they hope you will have the good grace to simply crawl under a rock and die. They assume that, like all other bankers, you only do your soul-destroying job to earn vast bonuses and that therefore the withholding of said bonuses will remove any possible rationale for putting up with the mindless drudgery your job invariably entails. A zero bonus is therefore a form of constructive dismissal and it’s obviously a favoured option for banks because it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than actually sacking you.

The problem is that some mindless dingbats just don’t get the message. These losers hang around the office like lepers despite having been a given the banking equivalent of a ‘Dear John’ letter. They shuffle around like the walking dead seemingly unaware of the snidy comments whispered behind their backs and the deathly silence that descends on noisy bars as soon as they enter. The stench of death follows them around and no-one wants to be associated with them for fear that they’ll catch their hideous disease and that they too will get a doughnut next year.

No, I’m afraid the only option you have when your bank has told you to piss off is to do just that. If they’ve got away with giving you nothing one year and you stick around then they know they can away with it again next year. Try and find a firm that hasn’t heard about your ritual humiliation, take your brave pills and enter the interview room like a pit bull after a three day crystal meth bender. Pretend you want to move jobs because your old firm ‘stifles creativity’ or some such crap and hope to God they haven’t heard the truth.

Appearance is everything in the City … so if you appear like a winner you might just start winning.

Thoughts ?

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